Chapter 10- History will not repeat itself

Now after reading all of that you are probably thinking "well this girl has got to have some issues after everything she has been through!" Now without tooting my own horn, I am proud to say I do not. I am now a 30 year old happily married woman to an amazing husband and mother of one beautiful little girl. I am creative, crafty, loving, thoughtful and well balanced. My husband and I are very successful small business owners and I've worked very hard for everything that I have in life. I always want the best for my little family. All of those memories that are still etched in my head will always be there. That is a part of my past that I will never forget. There were good times as well as all of the sad times I mentioned in this blog. All of those events or experiences I went through in life led me to become the woman I am today. They have made me stronger and made me always look at the bright side of things. People tell me a lot they love when they talk to me because I can always see the positive in every situation. I always feel that if I didn't grow up the way I did and I didn't experience those things, I would have grown up a different person. And I wouldn't change who I have become.

My childhood experiences I believe make me a stronger mother. I want to be someone that my daughter admires when she grows up. My goal in life will be to keep the memory of my mom alive for my daughter. She needs to know who grandma was. As she matures over the years I will share my personal stories with her to make her more aware of alcoholism. As a parent you try your hardest to teach right from wrong. In this case I will her teach the harms and effects of alcohol as she grows and is able to understand it. I want her to be aware that it runs in our family and it has detrimental effects. I want to always be open with her and tell her about our family history. In the meantime I will continue to tell her positive, uplifting, funny stories about my mom.

I myself do not drink and have found no desire to ever really drink ever again in my life. I choose to be here for my daughter and for her to have everlasting happy memories of her mother. I sing, dance, laugh, cook, craft and tell stories to my daughter all the time. Those are the times I want her to remember of me. Of course one day she will tell me "I'm the worst mommy in the whole entire world." But I'm okay with that because that moment will pass. I choose to eat healthy, exercise and be healthy from the inside out and all around. I hope to live long enough to see my great-grandchildren one day. So, all of the things my big eyes witnessed over the years has made me stronger, smarter and grounded.

Of course, I don't want to leave my brother out either. He is now a 27 year old young man who I admire quite a bit. He is level headed, an extremely hard worker and has a heart of gold. We are truly one very close brother and sister after all we have endured over the years. I am very thankful for my brother because he was able to be by my moms side during her last few months of life. He dropped everything, flew 3000 miles away from his life to be by my moms side. I am thankful and grateful he was able to do that and be there for her. She needed that. He himself has also taken our life experiences and turned them into something remarkable. He is on his way to becoming a model, and he also realizes life is short and to enjoy each and every waking moment of it. He had a few years where he struggled with alcohol but has now come to the sense that it is something he no longer ever wants to partake in either. We both know alcoholism is in our blood and it runs through our veins, but we need to be smarter than the alcohol in order to enjoy life.

Now, despite my mom's downfall to alcoholism she was a great person on the inside. She was beautiful, had big crystal blue eyes and soft flowing brown hair with not one piece of gray in it. Her laugh was contagious and her love for us was endless. She only ever wanted us to grow up and be smart, strong and loving. I also have a lot of happy memories of her as well as the sad. She was strong, stubborn and caring. She also had a wonderful ability to cook amazing meals. A few of our favorites were her chocolate cake, pasta fagioli, stuffed peppers and glazed carrots. Everytime I make one of them I think of her. She will always live on in our minds with all the memories we have of her.

I truly believe that despite everything I have gone through in life I can turn it into something positive. I can shed light into people's eyes about alcoholism in hope to one day save a life, just like my mom would of liked to do. You know that saying "history repeats itself." Well, in this situation history will not repeat itself. "You only live once...but if you do it right...once is enough. -Mae West